Hybernating

To begin with I hate cops for another week. I got a ticket and my parents tore me and Wagon apart. Absence makes the heart grow fonder in this instance. Having to find rides and stuff is such a pain. I really miss having everything in my car, being able to go wherever I want, when I want. My mom decided tonight that I have to work 20 hours outside to pay it off and get Wagon back. FML

400 Sauces

Tried making my first sauce today and the authors lied. Basic white sauce is really gravy. I might go crazy if I have to wait another full year to see a different country.

Life of Pi

Imagine being named after a swimming pool.
Imagine setting sail to a different country with an entire zoo in storage.
Imagine being marooned in a lifeboat for 200 days with a bengal tiger...and surviving.
Imagine encountering a carnivorous island of algae that during the day transformed salt water into fresh water.
Imagine losing ones entire family.
Imagine attempting to embrace three different religions.
All through out Life of Pi, I was amazed and impressed with the vocabulary and knowledge of exotic animals and their characteristics. This story of survival written by Yann Martel was packed full of controversial moments brought on by desperate circumstances. Pi Patel lived his life with God and was tested far more extensively than any of us will ever be.
The blurbs on the back of the book all say the book was funny, I don't remember laughing once.
The only time I remember laughing about this book was when I first borrowed it and was looking at the cover. On the front is a gold circle that says WINNER OF THE MAN BOOKER PRIZE. After glancing at the front I thought that it said Winner of the man book prize and that was about the funniest thing I have ever heard in my life. Someone should start that, an award for the best "man book."
Yann Martel: Born in Spain. He went to a boarding school in Canada for his high school years. He grew up in Costa Rica, France, Mexico, and Canada. As an adult, Martel has spent time in Iran, Turkey and India. After studying philosophy at Trent University in Canada, Martel spent 13 months in India visiting temples, churches, mosques and zoos, and then two years reading religious texts and castaway stories. His first published fictional work, Seven Stories, appeared in 1993. Other works include Beatrice and Virgil, and What is Steven Harper Reading.

Saffron

The most expensive exotic spice: comes from the stigma (female part of the flower) of the saffron crocus, a lovely lilac colored flower with six petals and no petiole.
Saffron is a bulbous perennial of the iris family.

Harvesting: should happen in October.
To harvest, cut off the open flowers at mid morning on a sunny day. Allow all foliage to grow through winter and nourish the plants for the next year. After the blossoms are plucked and laid out to dry for 3 days. The reddish gold threads (the stronger the color, the stronger the flavor), about an inch long, are then pulled out of its center. Saffron must be picked before the sun's warmth wilts the new days blossoms. Once the long labor of stripping the flowers is finished, the threads must be carefully and quickly dried to develop their flavor, and to remove moisture, which can cause saffron to rot. If this is done, incorrectly, hundreds of dollars in saffron can be destroyed. The wet threads are placed over a heat source. The threads lose about 80% of their weight in the drying process.
Growing: Saffron thrives in full sun, with rich, well-drained soi. It prefers a sheltered location, avoid windy spots, or areas that stay wet in the heat of summer, around downspouts or at the bottom of slopes. The corms or bulbs should be sown in June and July (by hand) about 4 inches deep and 4 inches apart. Gophers love them so they should be protected with a mesh enclosure.
Fields: The bulb like corms should be divided every third year, so you can build a good sized saffron patch without breaking the bank. The same field can yield saffron for seven to nine years before another crop should be planted.
It takes approximately 70,000 flowers to make a pound. Per pound wholesale saffron sells for 450 dollars. If its a good crop year 2 and a half acres will yield 6 to 12 pounds of saffron.
Money and storage: Farmers are payed in cash or scrip. Not all farmers sell immediately after the harvest. It can be kept for years if stored in an airtight vessel away from light and moisture.
Quality: based on ISO3632 standard - Tarvand Saffron Co.

Game Plan

I finally got smart and stopped running around wasting gas. Plan backfired: Being home means more time with mom which means more time grounded. YAY! Cottonwood is really far away from everything and the gas is basically the same. Great plan, Elyse! Time to become a hobo. Take the cat and a weeks worth of clothes and see ya! (Make mom pay for gas first) lol

What wheels has given me...

As soon as I got my license, everything was "As soon as I get my car..." and "I need a car!" Now that I have a car, I have been reflecting as to what exactly I have gained from it. So far I have gained a place to sleep hahahah I have gained solitude, blessed solitude. Most people when asked this question would say they have gained freedom. I haven't really gained freedom, I have always had a lot of freedom. It feels more like control. I feel like I am slowly getting more and more of my life under control and on the road I have dreamed about. My car, Wagon and I pretty much bonded instantly. Not very pretty but he's sturdy, dependable, lasting, and practical. Good gas mileage, fold down seats that make a bed in the back. Super quirky! He screams unexpectedly sometimes, and has a pacifier, and I have to turn on my lights to turn on the cd player. YES IT HAS A CD PLAYER!!! Anyway, Wagon and I are major pals and I am more grateful for him then like anything else I have.
NOTE TO WAGON: So today while I was driving you I thought about later in life when I have a special guy...no matter how cool he is I would still pick you over him hahahhah Don't worry I will tell him that too!

Falls

Waterfalls! After the first one yeah they are cool but are they worth the hike? Tons of people have seen it before, walked the same trail, spent the same sunny afternoon taking pictures by it, and were limited by the same trails. Is it worth it if you stay within the railings? I have decided it's not. Let the old fogeys and the young kids stay in the railings. I want to tempt fate. Find out if its my day to die. I know its not but will I know for sure if I don't chance it? I want the rush, the memory, and the breathe taking view of staring a death in the face few have dared to. My dad would say I am stupid, he's right I guess.

Flying by the seat of your pants just invites chaffing.
Yes it does but I brought body glide!!!!

Every time somebody asks me what I am going to do after high school, I say, "Well I am not going to college that's for sure." As I look into the persons surprised almost horrified expression in reply, I think of this poem now and know that no matter what other people think is sensible or practical I know what I want from my life... no matter how unorthodox it might be.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

-ROBERT FROST

Is she wrong?

At night, when we were not arguing over questions of eternity, we read H.P. Lovecraft tales around the campfire, shooed away marauding black bears, and identified the constellations from our sleeping bags, our chilled faces to the sky. Those are elements that strengthen any friendship, I think.
- Amy Tan, The Opposite of Fate: A Book of Musings

I can't get to them all

She doesn't seem to see me. Given: my outside isn't attractive and alluring, but I have an inside she would want to see. So many words I am waiting to share with her. I have word pictures, imagery, irony, similes, history, encouragement, ambition, and information neatly recorded to last through the ages, but her life is so short. But I am right here! She has walked past me so many times now!Take the chance! Turn off the t.v. Put aside that pencil! Ignore the buzzing of your cellphone! Turn off your c.d. player and let me talk to you!Your face looks fine come stare into MY eyes! I may not wear make-up like you but seriously neither of us need it anyway. No don't leave without me. My whole existence hangs on the hope that one day you will not be too busy for me. I know stories of dragons, elves, famous men and women. You must get to know me better. Let's go somewhere together. Climb a tree and take me with you. Hop on a plane and take me with you. Grab your bike and carry me in your backpack. Steal the car and let's go somewhere you have never been before. No you hang out with her all the time. Just one day! Give me one day to show you what I hold.Treasures, hope, thoughts you have never thought before. A coffee shop, a library, a quiet closet,the middle of the road. The options are endless! I can help you so much. Stimulating conversation, mindboggling concepts, unforgetable adventures! Come on you are going to miss them!

Realizations

1)Talking to a friend the other night made me realize something.I had never put this feeling into words but it has been with me a long time. I could wake up a year from now and say Goodbye to everyone in my life and be fine. It makes me sound like a shallow friend but really I can't wait for that day. Not because I don't love the people in my life, just my passion for new places is barely containable. Most people couldn't do that, or it would be really hard, but I look forward to it. I can scarcely wait. The day I say, "I am leaving tomorrow will be the best of my life."
2)Today during Bible my teacher was talking about expectations and expectancy and the difference between them. She used the example of a bride, waiting in a back room to walk down the aisle. She's feeling beautiful and really nervous. She's nervous because of him *expectancy.* No bride is thinking O I hope he doesn't embarrass me or I hope he doesn't kiss me weird which would be expectations. Things in life should be the same way. My mother says that I live by the seat of my pants, moment to moment. That's the way I prefer it but I never knew why I just knew that's the way I wanted it. But my realization is that I live that way because quick impetuous decisions doesn't allow for expectations. It doesn't give me time to formulate them therefore I am never disappointed and always surprised. What better way to live?
3)The word dating doesn't mean what we think it means. According to definition everybody on Earth has dated many many times sometimes multiple people at the same time, guys and girls. I have dated so many times but never had a boyfriend. So what's the word for the part of a relationship when you are hanging out to see if you want to make it official? Even couples I have talked to have called it dating. But that's a definition we have given as a culture. So what's the real word?

Intense

Everything lately has been really intense. We had service day yesterday and really encountered God and spent some great time with him, got to see some of the stuff he is doing in Salt Lake City. He told me what he wants me to do with the next year of my life. Tough stuff but worth it obviously because I FEAR GOD not man lol Go Nathan! Please God remind me of that sermon again and again. I also just read the Children of Hurin which was amazing and depressing and disgusting and exciting all at the same time. Loved it! I also learned about the Newbery Award and now I am determined to read every book on the list since it began in 1922. My new focus and maybe even obsession. I will try to keep it in check God. Today was the Jog-a-thon. I ran a 5K, which was fun and I felt great afterwards.

I wish I could file away every detail of my life.

Lipstick on your cheek...

Today was my first play performance ever! Lipstick, cover-up, finger waves, blush, eyelashes up to my eyebrows. Today after chapel I slept on the bunk beds of our set, when I got to the school today to do my hair and make-up I was completely unprepared but everybody had what I needed. We shared a dressing room with the boys and did their make- up to! lol everything was organized. I wasn't nervous and everybody was excited! First Act was great! Second Act we went in three pages ahead of when we were supposed to but our parts in the show were random pop in people so that's what we did and surprised everyone including the rest of the cast. Everything went smoothly and I couldn't believe that I never got nervous! Curtain call was horrible but the time up in the band room waiting was pretty fun! Movie talk! Heidi came and gave me a yellow rose that smelled LOVELY! Hannah got to come and we talked to Mrs. Dummer and before I knew it it was like 10 oclock! Driving home, I could have sworn everybody and their moms dads and uncles had their brights on. This is a little rushed, I've got a headache. (funny I have a headache in the play too) Anyway this new experience for me hopefully won't be my last!

I am not kidding

17! No joke! 17, somehow I never pictured myself seventeen years old. For years it seemed so far away and to get to seventeen I would have to get past some really huge stuff! Like highschool, my parents, Driver's Ed, drivers training, Driver's test, finding a car all of these things had to happen before I turned 17. And now here I am 17 years old. In books and movies seventeen was old and exciting! In real life its big exciting and ... old (lol). It takes my breath away to think that I have one year, one year before all the things I have been dreaming of these past four years I can finally make happen. One more year before my dad says I will fall on my face. One more year before I have to pay bills, get a job, hopefully find somewhere else to live. I have one more year to prepare, learn all I can, save up as much as I can. This year though is going to be great! Intense! Important! I can finally say it! I am 17! Maybe I should go ask my mom if I will make it till 18 before I get to excited about anything

Dreaming is allowed...why keep it small? Today I was given "a word" by our chapel speaker. Apparently I am going to be a famous fasion designer someday! Something to look forward to I guess! After chapel I was asked by a bunch of people what I think about this. My answer was that sure fasion interests me, there aren't a lot of things that don't, but do I think it was a real word from God? I guess I won't know until later, if I become a designer than obviously it was true. People constantly ask me where I am going to college and what am I going to do with my life and I don't think I will know until I do it, it just depends on what happens and what works out:
"We plot. We plan. We assume things are going to go a certain way. And when they don't we find ourselves-in a new place a place we haven't been before, a place we never would have imagined on our own. It is the difficult and the unexpected maybe even the tragic that opens us up and frees us to look at things in a new way. Many of the most significant moments of our lives comes not because all went right but because it all fell apart. Suffering does that, it hurts...but it also creates."
I know I have so many big dreams and so many hopes and in my mind they are going to happen. Maybe not in the time I want but my quote for this year is, "Make it happen." So if I want to do something than I better stop thinking about it and do it!

Funniest Thing

My neffe is the hardest sleeper I have ever seen! I literally shook him, sat him up, manipulated his extremities, laughed at him, put him in a hundred positions, flipped him over, played with his head and... eyes closed, breathing steadily, he sat there sleeping peacefully, trying to find a comfortable position (impossible with his Tante there). He is such a cutey! When I finally woke him up he was so angry and I loved it lol I stole him some candy before dinner and raced him through his raviolies. It halfway makes me sad to think that after highschool I don't know what I am going to do (couple ideas). I am going to leave that's all I know, which means I won't be here to see him and the girls for a long time. O well I have got a year! Maybe the first time I have been happy about that fact.

Weekends

These past weekends have been jam packed and I love it! I am now obsessed with duct tape. My friend Paul Quaife always used to say, "Duct tape can fix anything." And I swear it can! lol Last night was pretty crazy! It was a night that I want to remember for a long time and be able to tell my kids about lol It was one of those nights that if I kept a journal I would spend a couple pages just giving highlights

Georgia Peaches

A while back I read a book called Peaches. It was about three girls sent to an orchard for community service. One girl super clean, blond, uptight another girl lascivious, troublemaker, party-er and there was one scene in the book towards the end... after the girls stop hating each other and well basically grow in "maturity" learn all their lessons and stuff, they are in the orchard on the last day and at the end of the day the girls grab a peach. The blond takes a tiny bite of her peach to avoid getting dirty, then the troublemaker comes up and takes a huge bite out of hers, letting it drip down her chin, closing her eyes, savoring, as it drips onto her shirt, and she says, "That's how you enjoy a peach." Of course years after I read that book that scene is still with me lol and seriously just now I ENJOYED my sandwich. It had marinated asparagus, a ton of cheese, and two sunny eggs and the yoke poured over my hands and got all over me, but for real it was the best sandwich! This is the way I plan on attacking life, not just taking a small bite and standing back while others dive in. I plan to be the first one to the bottom... or the top depending on how you look at it.
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance...
I hope you dance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Refilled my tank

So many people are stuck in the rut of how we are "supposed" to live our lives. So many people are missing the good things in life. Cold face. Toasty warm. Crayon blue sky shading into a navy. A spread of gorgeous stars. Clear thoughts. Peaceful relaxation. These things transformed the scariest hours of the night into a refreshing refill. If every weekend I slept under the stars I don't see how Mondays could be that awful. But of course I didn't get to sleep under the stars because an adult that has somewhere along the last forty years forgotten what life is all about told me that if I didn't obey and stay inside like a normal child I would be in "big trouble." So I woke up Alyssa dragged her and our nest of pillows and blankets out of the bed of the truck back into the house. Something I realized tonight while enjoying the stars, "The stars serve no purpose. No one will ever get to see them up close. God made them for exactly this reason. For us to enjoy them."

Deceiving

The sun is out but hasn't started thawing me out. It's like our stove at home, which is set at the lowest setting and no matter how close you get it does nothing. Reading the weirdest book, its called the Fetch and its kind of the story of Anastasia kinda but its different because the main character is a spirit whose job is to escort souls to heaven from their death scenes. During one of his escorts, while the soul of a little boy is deciding to stay or die, the main character Calder falls in love with the Empress. So weird! I love to read.

Daffodils

Unbeknowns to me, all the nagging that I was very enjoyably not having to deal with when my mom was gone was really being saved up for when she got back. Then hell broke loose! It was great I enjoyed it a lot. That week of bliss is gone and I really think that me being sick has something to do with the sudden temperature drop in the house when my mom came back through the door. Last week I asked simon to send me some pictures of him and his friends so he did, and as I was looking at them I was unbelievably jealous. People are having fun somewhere else, they are having fun and yet I am stuck here struggling to be happy every moment of high school. Is it fair that adults and not teenagers are what is making me want to drop out and finally start enjoying life? I can feel myself slipping back into my funk... God please bring springtime.

New Book

Well its over. It doesn't feel good. It doesn't feel bad. It's just good closure. Played hard to end the season. For some of us it was a BIG night. For some of us its the beginning of the next stage of our lives. For others its more like finally reading the last page of a book that's taken you months to read...and its an unexpected but great ending. It almost makes me cry to think that next season will be last time I play basketball on a team. I have finished my third year of Varsity basketball. How the hell did that happen?! I am driving! Next year I am going to be a senior! Not just an upperclassmen but a SENIOR! See finishing that last page makes it so you can look forward... and see what the next book you read is going to be...

Round 2

The first time RCHS girls have made it to Round 2 in playoffs in five years! I was extremely disappointed and relieved about the team we played. They sucked and looked like 10 year old's. Number 15 on their team got a technical, which I called in the first two minutes of the game. I am learning a lot of German and I really enjoy it. To me its amazing how much I love to learn. Anything and everything I want to learn. I want to travel so much I can taste it! So crazy the phases of life we go through.

Pulled Over

I got pulled over on my way home from banquet and it was pretty much awesome! Ironically I really enjoyed being pulled over. Sounds terrible but seriously I love to experience things like that. Things that you hear everybody talk about, yeah it was my turn finally. I hope I never forget my first time getting pulled over. Short story, pulled over because of the left headlight, but he didn't give me a ticket and he said I pulled over quickly and smoothly. Yep I am pretty proud of myself. I may not be an amazing driver but I definitely got through my time getting pulled over without getting a ticket because of my driving! Yes!
Shia LaBoeff. Setting the stage for the next generation of Indiana Jones. In the lastest Indiana Jones at the very end, there was a one-liner that just struck me hard. Oxley at the very end says: "How much the human life is lost in waiting." And those words have stuck with me. I don't want to wait. Not that I am very good at it anyway. But I really feel like I spend so much time waiting and being patient. I wait for the class time to be over, I wait for the week to end, I wait for the quarter to end, I wait for the school year is over, I wait for basketball to get over so I can get a job, I wait for basketball to be over so I can snowboard, I wait for basketball to be over so I can start trainging. I wait for summer to be here, I wait to turn eighteen, I wait till I find the right guy, I wait to become an adult. I wait to make my dreams come true, I wait, we wait, and then time is gone and we wait to die knowing that we were waiting for something to happen to us that we needed to make happen for ourselves. So from now on, no more waiting to turn eighteen to start my life, no waiting for school to be done, no more waiting for God to send the man my way, no more waiting...no more waiting.

Banquet

Half an hour late and counting!

Ironic?

So the Marvel Universe: something I had no idea existed. The Hulk, Ironman, me in my ignorance thought they were just super-heroes! Silly me! A conglomerate of characters in the world created by Marvel. The Avengers?! No idea! I am finding more and more in my life that I don't know which I think is probably a really healthy thing for a teenager, because I don't know how many parents I have heard say, "Well you think you know just everything don't ya!" Luckily, I love to learn and learn I am! I also had my first tutorial about cars. Another healthy thing for a FEMALE teenager to learn about, because most us couldn't change a tire! (lol) Anyway, this weekend i am grounded for staying up past twelve which only on some days bothers my mother. So I am grounded and didn't want to be confined to my house so I asked my mom to go to the outlets to check for banquet dress, which was a mission doomed to fail anyway because I am so freaking picky. Took a shower went to the outlets saw a couple friends and proceeded to look in like 6 stores for anything of interest more specifically for dresses. Saw two in Deb which I tried on of course they were hideous on so I went into the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory to ask about a job, then I went into rue 21 and Styles saw a bunch of cute things nothing I needed and nothing I was willing to spend money on, not that I had any money to spend anyway, but of all the things i saw today, all the cute jackets, shirts, purse, jewelry, and boys the one thing that made me stop and yearn was... wait for it...of course... a pair of hiking boots! Ironic?

I Am Back

I find that when I am happy with almost no complaints I have nothing to blog about really. Usually my frustration just pours out but I am not frustrated really. Ok that's not completely true I always have something to say. I started reading Lord of the Flies and I love reading classics that don't make me want to vomit because half the words I have to look up. To be honest that doesn't happen often anymore because of all the vocab Mrs. King is making us do but anyway. I love it so far, there is something elite about reading classics. I have read like 8 this year, I definitely have to read novels in between but reading certain classics that are such experiences.

An Unobstructed View

Last night I read two classics, short ones but amazing ones. Anthem which every person needs to read and Mary Slessor, which made me cry multiple times. Today, Sunday, I drove in to church. Getting there was fun and then I got to sit through a long sermon on listening to God's voice and then proceeded to go 15 minutes on I-5 North instead of south. Dean kept me company but by the time I got home my head was fried. While at church I found a good seat that gave me the perfect view of everyone on stage, and then a nice couple came and sat right in front of me, so without complaining I got up and moved. Then a young mother came in with her son and sat in front of me. SO NICE! I find the phrase that runs through my mind most often lately is, "They are so stupid." That's not very nice of me and not very loving either. How do you stop thinking someone is stupid?

Cracked

Cracked under pressure. By last night I had so much pent up, bottled up anger and frustration that it spilled over and I bawled my eyes out lol but I went home blasted the Rolling Stones, stacked up a bunch of pillows, cried and went to sleep, and of course felt rejuvenated this morning. I woke up after 15 hours of sleep and every single pillow was in the same place, that means I had no dreams and slept really really super deep, usually I move all around in my sleep but not last night. Five days at school and I am wanting to puke my guts out I am so emotionally drained... how is that normal or fair to make kids do something that takes so much energy and unnecessary effort for that matter? People tell their kids that high school is tough, usually they mean that its confusing because of getting hormonal over guys and because girls are mean during high school but high school is hard for different reasons for me.
Tonight was very fun. I drove to Alex's house and it took me an hour because I got so lost. In the end I learned a lot, bottomed out the car on a curb that snuck up on me, and gave myself a lot of pep talks during that time. When I finally got there we played phoozeball, watched Angus Thongs and Full Frontal Snogging, and then Ferris Bouller's day off (which is now my favorite movie). I drove home which took like 15 minutes (big improvement I'd say). And as soon as I got in the car, I rolled down the windows, blasted the Oldies, and let down my hair! O Yes! The high of driving hasn't worn off yet!

Rant and Rant

What is up with adults going brain dead after 30? Is there some intense psycho out there somewhere that leads an organization of people who make home stops to adults turning 30 and turn their brains to mush? If this is true, well atleast they have an excuse! The impression most adults give me is that they have nothing better to do than find something wrong with what you do all day long, every day without fail. O and I forgot that psycho out there probably installs a lecture button when he brainwashes them too! All of a sudden adults are prone to lengthy lectures...no wonder a good percentage of teenagers have selective hearing, how else are we supposed to stay sane while listening to these droning adults yammer on about BLAH BLAH BLAH. For real that's all I hear now. Unfortunately my parents don't know that, if they did know that maybe they would stop, but no their programming at 30 is too powerful for override. Then we go to school and get more lectures except these ones we are being graded on. Brilliant idea adults, another psycho fed scheme! One of my favorite things to do is impressions of my teachers and they are hilarious (to me atleast) but they are all wasted on my shower head. There are adults that somehow avoid "the psycho" but they are rare and far between. Those adults that have hung in there, STICK WITH IT!

Never stop learning

It's truly amazing what you learn about yourself. The fact that I am quite an airhead is becoming increasingly clearer to me through my Junior year. For instance today, I went towards my sixth period art class and the sophomores had all gathered on a bench in the sun, I walked up saying, "Nice move sophomores!" For the rest of the class period we got to sketch in the fresh sun right off the cusp of a rainstorm, it was wonderful! lol Anyway I never noticed how much i miss the sun when its away until I got it back today. Last night was the first time I got to drive myself home and it was truly perfect. I felt in complete control, like I was doing everything right, I rolled down the windows, blazed the Oldies and sang my heart out! I think I kind of understand why God made me wait so long for my license. For my benefit he delayed gratification to make my first time that much more special lol Sounds like I just had sex for the first time. This week I have been listening to Eddie Rabbit and Papa Roach...what a combination right? Lately, my research has led me to believe that 75% of "the greats" ditched high school to make their dreams of becoming legends come true. How is that even fair when our society says to be successful you have to graduate high school. Times are changing. For better or for worse? For worse of course, more polution, less respect, more teen pregnancy, more television, more entertainment to take the place of wholesome activities. There is a scientific theory that has something to do with the world gradually decaying into chaos or something. Great now I have to look it up!

Evil Little Pop

Last night at practice my shooting guard came down wrong on her ankle and now might not be with us for the start of League games. She said she heard the infamous "pop" but it ended up being only a high sprain and she is taking good care of it. My projects are so numerous I don't know how I get through the day with my head still clear. After turning in circles for 14 hours you would think my brain would be swirling with information. I am still exhausted when I get home and have not had any time to read my book or do homework for that matter. I do get a lot done at school but there is the occasional lesson that gets turned in late. How is it even possible that people keep this up for long periods of time? My body aches my brain is fried. Yesterday in art class Taylor me and Haley spoke in lies, brain twister, and then for seventh period I talked in two line rhymes. Today I painted an African American boy kinda abstract I guess and then decided to fill a zip-lock with paint which turned out pretty cool too. The brain can hold way more information that I gave it credit for. Today I started an even more challenging project! I am attempting to learn German. I learned the colors and numbers through 20. My throat doesn't work properly but maybe with a lot of practice I will somehow be able to make a rolled r with the back of my throat. Muscle memory-I can never remember the dance combinations and Tisha said its because my body is still trying to develop muscle memory, so as soon as my body gets the hang of doing drag turns and leaps I will be able to focus more on remembering the routine. I had a fascinating conversation with my mother yesterday during which it hit me! I don't do well with lectures, I just can't learn like that and I think that's why I hate going to church. That reason and secondly, because I am forced, and thirdly, I have heard it all before. Atleast I know why I hate church, that's something.

Found my roar

I consider myself an athlete but giving my all has never been easy for me. As a matter of fact I have never done my complete best at anything. But against Hamilton last night I felt like I got a taste of my best. Found the fire. Found my roar. For once my team came into the locker room after losing and was screaming because we had had so much fun. The mouse of our team was screaming her brains out because she was so excited. I was ready to throw up...
Will I be able to find it again or will I have to settle with my usual 75%? You think FloJo or Michael Phelps ever felt this way? Or Michael Jordan walked off the court saying, "I coulda done better."
Last night I got a good thirteen hours of much needed sleep. I can't think of anything I needed more than to lay in bed all day long. During my Government test, it hit me that I haven't watched the Star Wars movies in so long and half the words on my test were words that Padme uses in one of her speeches, so I watched them today. And then when I watched the third of the new trilogy it reminded me of The Picture of Dorian Gray and how he was negatively manipulated and everything and the exact same thing happens to Skywalker when Lord Sidious influences him onto the dark side. Anyway that's all I did today besides curl my hair for my own enjoyment. lol
P.S. The Titanic would not have been the same without My Heart Will Go On - Kudos to James Horner!

Describing the pit

The project continues and the pit gets deeper. My new year's resolution if you can call it that has just doubled. Not only is it at school its at home too! As if I wasn't exhausted enough, get home directly after practice and crash after eating and a shower. That painful fuzz that you get after crying, I am guessing that that goes away after a time. You cry enough in close succession it fades after awhile right, then crying isn't nearly as painful the next time. Emptying out emotionally exhausts the whole body. Now how is that fair? For so long my emotions have always gone from angry to happy, never sad really, never depressed. But now...its not like I am suicidal or that I really have anything to be depressed about compared to a million other people but sometimes you just choose to be unhappy. Only a truly wonderful person could be happy in a pit. Why am I giving in now after 3 years? I guess I am just sick of it. Sick of the words being constantly thrown at me, tired of choosing to be happy, tired of the energy spent having fun while constantly in trouble, tired of beating my head against the wall... now I am just walking beside the wall with all the others. I miss being happy though, I miss laughing with my friends, I miss feeling inspired, I miss the adrenalin rush. The project has only been a week and already my shell is emptying. I am almost at empty. Only a week. Am I really that weak? Or is this just the period of time that I am acclimating myself? Hard to tell. I think I am going to start running. Running is a melancholy thing. Alone with your thoughts and the cement, early morning, no sounds...
Earth quakes. One of the many things we miss when we are running around too busy to stand still, listen and feel. God's voice. One of the many things we miss when we fill our lives with noise according to my brother Nathan and the current series at the Stirring. The last earthquake I remember I was five and considering I don't have many memories from back then, it amazes me that that is a memory that was gelled in my brain through time. These next few weeks' sermons I have all heard before basically, but being older should I join the ranks of others who are fasting from noise to better hear God's voice? God writes notes to me, then slips them into my brain. All of the notes have things to work on on them. Some of them I keep for later and others have already been tackled. My life used to be noisy, not so much anymore. I have a lot of silence, I have never had trouble blocking out the world around me. Some including my mother say its a bad thing but I think its quite beneficial, just like being calloused and being able to fall asleep whenever and wherever I like. But maybe that will change too with the project. I usually like change but I can't say I am excited for the next year and a half.

Mother Goose, advertisements, and Grey's Anatomy

Yesterday I took a couple hours and went back to Pre Kindergarten and learned something more important than how many particles are in a mole of carbondioxide or when to put a comma into a sentence... I learned that Mother Goose nursery rythms and the character herself could possibly be based off a real woman. All those nursery rhymes we heard growing up that will forever be with us but no one ever remembers their origin could have been based off of real country born woman. "With rings on her fingers and bells on her toes she will have music wherever she goes." In school why do we learn old men's conjectures about the Earth, or why do we learn about the founding of our country from only the American's point of view? I would love to take a history class that tells the history of the world through the Japanese eyes or the German's eyes. FLA format changes yearly, and yet kids are having to learn the different formats every year to keep up with a language that has so many exceptions to its rules and format. The United States and the whole metric system thing. We are screwed up. Even so in school why aren't we learning about the entertainment industry? Who the legends of the decades were, who the young people of the 1930's looked up to? Instead we learn about Pluto being a planet and then later the idiotic scientists who first called it a planet decide, "O we don't think it should be a planet anymore its just a hunk of rock."

In English class we had to write an analysis on an advertisement. We chose our advertisement and studied its details and slant, its color and font, its size and content, and yet if it hadn't been an assignment we wouldn't have noticed that the advertisement didn't tell the price of the product because its overly costly, we wouldn't have noticed that on the Pantene ad there is a smaller than a dime sized vitamin floating in thin air expressing the slant that Using Pantene is like giving your hair its daily vitamin. Somebody put hard work into that ad and if we hadn't had this assignment we wouldn't have even noticed that the green of the border glamorizes the idea of letting nature takes it course, point being I don't know what the point was I just thought it was interesting how my English class helped me pay attention to details that were created to catch my attention anyway.

Everytime I watch Grey's Anatomy, I cry and laugh, and giggle, and scream, and I GET PARANOID! Suddenly every little ache and pain means I am dying or every disease I see their patients get I suddenly seem to have a symptom. Crazy mental holes I get into and somehow stay in until something else gets my attention.

Mols, Modern dance, and Monologue

Yesterday was my very first audition...for anything. At RCHS, tryouts for teams are never really tryouts they are more like let's see who is going to be on the team. So tomorrow I will find out who I am in the cast of Our Hearts Were Young and Gay. "To know Emily is to enhance one's days with gaiety, charm and occasional terror." The audition went really well and was surprisingly fun. I had to be fed one line and Sarah called me her own name but other than that we did good. Dance started this week too! And with the play beginning, dance beginning, tutoring, actually doing my homework, and basketball, I get home at nine thirty every night and am exhausted which is a new experience for me. It's been the ideal schedule! I love having a domino schedule. After here I go there, after that I rush to here. I carry around enough clothes to clothe an orphanage in Russia, usually three bags, and enough food to last me the whole day. Dance was pretty clutzy the first class but I think I almost have my brain in the mode because today I took a Modern class and loved it! Even broke a sweat and not from being nervous (lol). As a change of pace, my friend Sarah today said that all day I have been talking in monologue all day. I haven't been very talk-a-tive at all this week but school gets me very...strained. After fourth period everything is good but third and fourth period is like standing on hot coals after not having any sleep for a week, you don't know whether to fall asleep or start screaming. Lastly, MOLS! Yes this is the third day that I have been TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS!

It's coming...

The next time I wake up I will be in bondage. To be perfectly melodramatic, this calm depression I feel right now is the deep breathe before I plunge into the pit that all people have to fall into in life. Being in the pit will dampen all spark of fun, take up so much of my time my millions of hobbies will be cast to the wayside, absorb so much of my emotional energy that I will be spent when the time to be happy comes. Such an abyss to be looking at! Facing forward today is the first time in a long time that the experience isn't a pleasant one. Come on Elyse every teenager in the world has to do the same thing you have to, somehow they get by without all the drama. Somethings are just so much more intimidating and frightening-looking when you are on the outside looking in, but then you plunge and the pit isn't as bad as it appeared. Unfortunately this isn't one of those cases. It will be as bad as all that. Does that spare me the plunge?

2010

So far this year has begun with a fresh new creative spirit for me. Last night I cut my own hair for the first time ever and just might cut it from now on (16 years old). At about 3 this morning I woke up my little sister and drug her out of bed to look at my hair, of course she loved that! Before that I had another creative surge and designed a chair. Probably the coolest chair ever seen, and even made a prototype using hangers, a movie box and a scarf I hardly ever wear. One day I will spend too much money making that chair and everyone in the world will want to sell it. O the pipe dreams of the young! I have discovered a new game... I love games of any kind almost. It's called BananaGrams, spin off of Scrabble. Obviously I love it and my friends and I have been playing it a whole bunch, I never win. Personally, I think New Years Resolutions suck, because everybody says they are going to the gym more often and they do for the first month than its back to the t.v. not that I blame anyone. For me I have a new resolution each month and fail each and every month. Unfortunately my resolution for this year has to stick.
Do my homework. Don't make my teachers crazy.
Both of these things make ME crazy and goes against my very personality. School is a requirement that every person my age has to do, and I resent it (bashing your head against a wall is fun). I prefer the extras that very few do: speech competitions, Science Bowl, community service, writing competitions, Venture Club, plays. These things are worth spending time on. School isn't suited to everybody and for real my brain loves to learn and exercise anywhere and about anything its not supposed to. This new goal is going to be painful and no fun but with one semester down...shut up and do it!

Julia and Julia

I spent the first hour of this new year worrying about my tooth dying. A friend of mine was playing basketball and hit her tooth on her sister's tooth which ended up turning a darker shade of enamel, she now has to guzzle penicillin so she can have root canal work done at sixteen. Her unfortunate experience has of course made me paranoid. However, one can worry and enjoy themselves at the same time, I certainly did watching Julia and Julia, All About Steve, and 17 Again (all good movies in their own way). Julia and Julia inspired me to start a project, move to Paris, learn to cook, and remember that I have a blog.
Just like everybody else I have no idea what this year has in store and just like everybody else I am excited to find out. Hopefully Paris and a lot of food are involved.